BeAuTy ON FiRe

I was left disturbed…emotionally, mentally(no lar)..but definitely emotionally.Haiiyyaaa…as we live on, peeople cross our path.All sorts of people come, and they become part of this life. You just can’t have control over that destiny. But, you can decide. It can be very hard.
HOw do you face an ex boyfriend(girlfriend) if u accidentaly bumped into each other…and you have unresolved issues together?There’s this instant repellant when this happens.Feels like you are falling and your heart beats in a different rythmn.I had this problem once, but not anymore.
Now i have…another problem…an unresolved one too..i believe each of us has secrets..that when we bump into someone, we feel that all those secrets unveil themselves.Wat goes on behind the stares, the body language, and the intensity of the atmosphere. Most of the time, i wanna please others…and i can be very forgiving (VERYYYYYY). However, there are things that are beyond my control. Sorry, I do not have a super telepathic channel to know wat goes on in a person’s brain. So when they start acting strange, it’s hard for me to respond. I have recently experience a HORRIFIC encounter with an old ‘issue’. Someone who just haunts me everytime i think abt him (to my ex, no it’s not u). I just don’t undertsand why someone so harmless can bother me so much…Just because of a misunderstanding that happened long ago..when I was at the time driven by teen insanity (end of teenhood actually..). The time when we know wat we’re doing yet we don’t know wat we’re doing but we still do it???pretty complicated times huh…hehehee. The time that we thought it is but it’s not, but we still thought so...But now those times are the past..but the person remains. HOW TO DEAL….HOW TO DEAL A LIVING HISTORY?
(do comment so i’ll know if I’m the only one or not)

"Teknik rebonding ke?"
"Tak, guna shampoo jer"
Yeah yeah…right. One of the most annoying thing in the world for me and few of my friends would be watching shampoo commercials. Aren’t we sick of it??Silky straight hair, black and shiny…so not "menggerbang". When the wind or even hurricane blows, the super hair falls right back to it’s perfect positon…Come on, get real! However, sadly viewers (which included myself) seem to be influenced by the so-called perfect hair image on TV. Well, i admit i have straightened my hair a few years back. Good experience though.It was kinda satisfying to feel the temporary ‘perfection’.
It’s totally different for me now. So, who says girls must have long cyberly, digitally, (watever u call it) straightened hair? Honestly, after a while i’m sick of the rebonded hair.It just does not necessary fit everyone.But please don’t misunderstand.Don’t get me wrong.I don’t intend to criticise rebonded hair. My point is just we must have the freedom of styling our hair the way we like it, according to our personality, and most of all whether it is suitable for us.If it makes you look great, why not? So allow me to set the record straight- Please do not discriminate those with wavy, curly or menggerbang hair just because TV says ‘go for the straight hair’. I synpathise those with wavy or curly hair as shampoo commercials always make them look like rejects..always comparing them to the straight-haired model. That’s not fair! Once my housemate commented this when she watched a shampoo commercial which showed a curly-haired girl passing by a super-freaking-straight-haired  girl : " l prefer the one with curly hair, she’s much prettier".
OK gals, above all..my point is LOVE YOUR HAIR,YOUR BODY,YOUR SOUL, AND THE WHOLE OF YOURSELF. Don’t be stressed out because of your surrounding. I believe if we love wat we do sincerely, people around us will have to accept that and eventually love us for standing out from the crowd.hhmm, i bet that when TV commercials start showing wavy hair as the "happening" thing and straight is not…so wat happens next is gals will de-rebond their hair.Isn’t that silly?I will oppose to that too. Watever hair type, be it curly, straight, wavy, twisted…it’s your hair and don’t let shampoo commercials decide wat’s good for you. Even if a guy has afro hair…and if he’s cute (heheh) so wat??He will definitely get my attention. Dreadlocks? I think that’s cool….tak la skema kan?

You walk along. You are alone. You pass by a group of testosterone-filled men. And you hear this- "PHEEEeeweeetttt….hi…ehemm.." and so many other stuff. So what do you do? This is a common situation in our society. Most of the ‘victims’ are female. Believe me, it doesn’t matter if you are drop dead gorgeous or not, just by being female you get their attention. I am not sure though if men get to experience this..hmm, or maybe they do (for those who are gay?). Well, that’s another story.
So, back to my question- What do you do?
I will give you some true stories here…
Case #1 - The crowd goes…"pheeweet..bla bla bla…"(i trust in your imagination). The girl passing by gives an emotionless, lifeless-as-if-nothing-happened face and walked away looking at other places but the ‘cheering’ crowd. Isn’t that normal?
Case #2 - The crowd goes.."pphhee…".The girl passing by gets annoyed. She frowns as she walks as fast as she can. haha..that’s the escape style.
Case #3 - The crowd goes.."pphhhee.." The girl passing gets really annoyed. This time, she decides to strike..she stops walking and looks back at the ‘cheerleaders’ (hey, that’s a new term). There-she gives a blank stare that states who-do-you-think-you-are-you-bunch-of-losers. (please be reminded this is a true story). The ‘cheerleaders’ stop their act and look at her (she’s gorgeous for your info) and finally are too ashamed to say anything. They eventually quit ‘cheerleading’.

So, these are some of the stories that I know of. Some I have experienced myself. Once I was involved in a Christian street concert and we were assigned to hand out tracks to the people on the streets. My partner and I (both girls, but my partner was bigger in height and size) did our job. Then came the ‘cheerleaders’ and this time they were a bit drunk. They started doing the ‘cheers’ on us..I was trying to move away from them when my partner grabbed me and we walked toward them. My partner said, "Nah, ambil..ambil la…nanti datang ah, tengok concert"..I just smiled. They, however accepted the tracks and turned up at the concert!!! That was weird!

Talking about weirdness, today I came across a new bunch of ‘cheerleaders’. I returned to my former working place for some official stuff today and visited the lab. As the place has always been under construction, there are many construction workers there. While I was still working there, they made some ‘cheers’ for me everytime I passed by. But the funny thing today…it was an unusual one. They cheered at 1st and then it was like a whole conversation…about me. It went something like this.."HI amoi..lama tak nampak, lama tak turun kerja oh…" They spoke among themselves as if they know me…I was like,"HUhh??Kamu tahu saya ka??" and gave a friendly smile. As I walked further on the way to my car, they said, "Oh..pergi mana amoi…kenapa tidak mau senyum…senyum la…"said person A. "Dia tidak mahu senyum oh…" said person B. They observed my every move. I felt so ashamed of not knowing what to do..but eventually, I gave a reluctant smile. Haaiiiyaaa..they can really put you in that awkward situation!! Guess what they said after that??
" HAaa…DIA SENYUM.."      

If life is a river and your heart is a boat
And just like a water baby, baby born to float
And if life is a wild wind that blows way on high
And your heart is Amelia dying to fly
Heaven knows no frontiers and I’ve seen heaven in your eyes
And if life is a bar room in which we must wait
‘Round the man with his fingers on the ivory gates
Where we sing until dawn of our fears and our fates
And we stack all the dead men in self addressed crates

In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ’til the day
When fear will lose its grip
And heaven has its ways

Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes

If your life is a rough bed of brambles and nails
And your spirit’s a slave to man’s whips and man’s jails

Where you thirst and you hunger for justice and right
And your heart is a pure flame of man’s constant night

In your eyes faint as the singing of a lark
That somehow this black night
Feels warmer for the spark
Warmer for the spark
To hold us ’til the day when fear will lose its grip
And heaven has its ways
And heaven has its ways
When all will harmonise
And you know what’s in our hearts
The dream will realise

Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes
Heaven knows no frontiers
And I’ve seen heaven in your eyes

Whatever song that one favors has a profound link to his/her personality, life, and experience. I fell in love with this song the 1st time I heard it. It’s just a reflection of my soul and a manifestation of my deepest emotions. One day, I hope to sing this on a special day.By the way, it’s from The Corrs, my favourite band.

Of all my poem colections (which are close to my heart), I have decided to share this one. Enjoy!!

Life is -

Life is like a sandcastle
I thought it was beautiful
Until it melted away

So, life is a continuous aftermath
- we just have to pick up the pieces

Yooohoo…first of all I have no idea watsoever why I’m here in my blog. Hmm…

This few weeks I’ve learned a lot. I realised how important life is and how important the time God has given us. We are in that moment(or time) only once..nothing will ever repeat itself, we only have one chance..or next time it will be a different one.So, my job is just to be in that moment, embracing it and fully utilise it..(sometimes i fail). All I wana say is that don’t let it slip away..(ya Dewi…listen to yourself!)

It’s a crazy world isn’t it? We are all moving, busy and always trying to get somewhere…Not that it’s a bad thing but when certain unplanned things happen we find ourselves helpless. I recently went to the hospital visiting and praying for a lady who was already at her death bed. Even though she is no relative of mine, I felt deeply for her. However she has departed peacefully as she trusted in her Savior Jesus Christ. As I looked around me, death is everywhere…anyone of those patients would soon be gone. And there it hit me, why am I worried of those little things in life?Like for instance…"I’m not good enough", "I don’t have clear silky skin", "I’m a loser", "I can’t find ‘THE-ONE", and more….When I took a good look around, those things are just nonsence…just look at New Orleans…wat the hurricane had done to their lives???No one will even care if you are a loser, if you are good enough, or even if u have big boobs…All they need is rescue!!!To be in a safe place…and most importantly to be alive.

So many other things happened and became an eye opener for me…I hope for all of you too.Sometimes, we can all be so silly(I’m refering to myself lah). Well, now I can laugh out loud cos I’ve been there and done that. There’s only one thing though, that I can never do till now is -confessing my feelings to someone that I have a crush on. It’s freaky to think when one day as I look back in regret saying to myself,"I should have told him…" and by then it might be too late. Well, I’ll try to work on it!!!!

It’s convo time for me on 1st August!!! I’m truely grateful that I have gone this far…I mean I could have freaked out along the way and anything can happen in this unexpected life right? It’s amazing that even one tiny mistake can change our whole life (so, it must be- not a ‘tiny’ mistake, huh). I see my close friends evolve from a messy girl into a beautiful young woman, another friend who was not even popular in school turned out succesfull in her new career, a playful flirting friend finally got married, a long lost friend actually has a child, and myself…(Hmmmmmm..I open for comments). And some people just never change! There are some who are going to pursue their Masters, and even PhD.

I must admit, it’s a competitive life. You will have to catch up if you want to survive in this day of age. Well, whatever road we have chosen is our right. It’s not like when we were in school- we were all on the same level. Now our "incubation" period is over. We are "released" (like new synthesized virus) from our comfortable cell out into the systemic environment. Are we ready? Definitely, the new-found environment will not be a place you can call home. So, here comes the Darwin’s Theory of Natural Selection. I guess it all depends how well we can adapt, evolve(for the better), and finally when the time comes we can be pioneers and ready to establish our colonies!!!huahauhuahuaa…ok, I better stop now, my brain is exploring way too much.

Do you know what you want? What you really really want???

I am one good example of someone who knew what I wanted. I’m a person full of hopes and dreams. Eversince I was I child, I followed the "tracks’" and trailed every "pathway". Till one day I’ve reached the final "pathway" and suddenly I came across a crossroad. And in that crossroad are many more branches of crossroads. And this is me now..on the edge of that cross road. I’m completely grateful however with all of His blessings and I never want to doubt His plans for me. But sometimes, I’m blinded by many things along the way. Sometimes I just want to run..this reminds me of this song:

I used to think I had the answer to everything. But now I know, things don’t always go my way…

I pray that Lord You open my eyes of my heart.

I truly believe that at this stage of being "lost" is a chance for me to discover myself, to trust in Jesus and obey. Now, if you are wondering what in the world am I talking about? It’s mainly about my career and where I’m heading next..the future and all there is to life. My hope is to really understand what my passion is, what is it that brings me energy to succeed?? Right now –I don’t have the answer.

Wow..great to have a blog. This is going to be a journey…things may fall apart, they may come together, and they might even disappear. Well, that’s my life-full of uncertainties, ambitions, surprises,excitement and may even be pathetic. So, when I’m UP or DOWN or in BETWEEN, I’ll have this blog to go to and start to ‘membebel’. However, ALL IS WELL WITH MY SOUL.